CULTURE IS POSSESSIVE

I read Herman Hesse's Steppenwolf back in college. I didn't understand a lot of it but I still liked it.  For some reason I took the term "wolf of the steppes" literally and thought it was a wolf that sat on steps. It doesn't make sense but I like the image.

SPARTAN BUDDHA FINDS TRUE LOVE

I love barbecued food.

SAMURAIS DONT NEED GENIES

I know what you're thinking but Salvador Dali only had two arms.

YOUTH IS MENTAL

People tell me I'm getting older like it's a bad thing. They say it like I was diagnosed with an alien form of rectum cancer that expels diarrhea out of my mouth. According to every kung-fu movie ever, getting older means mastering deadly fighting arts. Are their any fifteen year olds with long, white beards and the ability to kill a group of bandits single handedly while laughing? I'd like to think that this present version of me could kick the ass of me five years ago. I'd also like to think five years from now I'd kick the ass of this current version of me. I'm hopeful. I'll be smarter. I'll be better.  Just because my body is getting lazy and quitting on me, doesn't me I have to. Hopefully I'll be just as retarded when I'm 50 or 80. Youth is wasted on quitters.

SPARTAN BUDDHA CHASES THE MONSTERS AWAY

Did you know that Spartan Buddha has his own comic? Oh yeah! It's written and drawn by this awesome-saurus  guy named Zeph. He's awesome. So is the comic. Like it on Facebook. Follow it on Twitter. Google Plus it. Subscribe to it by email. Tell all your friends. Whisper it in the ears of your fallen enemies. Tattoo it on your arm. Spray paint it on the side of a mountain. Thanks!

WHY DO PEOPLE CLAP AT MOVIES?

Movies aren't Broadway plays. Why do people feel compelled to clap at the credits? No one is going to take a bow.  There isn't going to be an encore. No one is tossing out shirts to the loudest side of the theater.

Is there an unspoken fan competition that I'm not aware of? Or is it a knee jerk reaction like an atheist saying "Bless you" when someone sneezes?

I guess we're conditioned to act without thinking. Isn't the economy built on people buying things they want but were told they need?

Maybe I need to watch less movies and read more books...

DOES SPARTAN BUDDHA SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE?

It's weird to me that some people still aren't allowed to get married. It's weirder to me that anyone wants to get married. No one gets hurt when gay people get married except for a couple of homophobes. It's not like banning gays from getting married is gonna stop them from banging each other. And isn't that what all this nonsense is really about? Just like most wars and bar fights. Sex?  With marriage, as long as children, animals or reality TV stars aren't involved, who cares?

APOLOGIES ARE FOR PUPPETS

If you do something by accident, like step on somebody's foot or knock them down a flight of stairs, it's cool to say sorry. But apologizing to a Hunchback of Lameness for not acting "appropriate" (taking everything seriously, lacking passion, thinking like a doofus) makes you a sucker. True fact.

INSURANCE AD MASCOTS SUCK

I was with my car insurance for 5 years until I realized that my rate was gradually going up every year. I also noticed that I hated the mascots the money I was donating to them paid for. On a positive note, I love bacon and hamburgers.

SORROW IS A CLOWN

Rock beats scissors. Scissors beats paper. Paper beats rock. Laughter beats Sorrow. Ready... shoot!

SAMURAIS ARE TENACIOUS

It may be hard to believe but Spartan Buddha actually does have friends. What kind of guy could handle the brutal, stoic, laconic, sardonic demeanor of Spartan Buddha? A belligerent samurai of course.

MAY DAY OCCUPY MOVEMENT

I thought May Day was just something you scream when you get ice cream on your controls and your plane is about to crash. It's also a holiday for workers around the world. What better time for the Occupy Movement to start back up with their hijinks. Zoinks! Maybe they'll develop a clear message this time.