EVOLUTION WINS

Times changed. You didn't, Hero.  Now you're dead.  What? Did you think you were gonna live forever?  This ain't True Blood. You ain't no vampire. The world has no use for bloated, slowly evolving dinosaurs anymore.  According to my watch it's the future. There's no jetpacks  or robot butlers (yet) BUT there are options.  Option one, be a victim.  Option two, roll with the punches... like a CHAMPION.

BABIES ARE WEAK

Don't let the super powers fool you. "Superheroes" are nannies for adults.  Having someone else do your fighting isn't gonna make you UFC champ. It makes you a baby. And babies are weak.  Zombie level weak.  Suckas need bodyguards. Get a sensei or learn to wipe your own ass.  Be a CHAMPION. 

WHINING SOLVES NOTHING

Babies cry because they're hungry or shit themselves.  Adults cry because they're lame.

Why are YOU crying? Send your problems @SpartanBuddha and I'll solve the shit out of them.

Next problem...

YOUR OPINIONS ARE HORRIBLE

"Good" and "Bad" are just opinions.  "Bad" things exist because of sucky, dirty diaper opinions.  

Email this to your friends and feel like a hero. 

Leave your love notes for me in the comments below. 

Next problem...

SUPERHEROES ARE UNRELIABLE

Shit has changed. "Superheroes" can't protect us because they can't protect themselves. The hero system that has been keeping us "safe" for the past 100 years or whatever has taken a big, soggy dump and stroked out on the toilet. Check the news. The economy is rolling around in the sewer. The stock market is acting like a bitch. Everyone and their neighbor's dog is getting laid off from their jobs. Super strength and heat vision isn't going to fix that. Set your dial to "Panic Attack" and cry about the world coming to an end... Or don't. That shit is stupid. Really. Don't. It's not that bad really. Don't let the superheroes fool you.

The Spartan Buddha is full of champion level knowledge. You are invited to seek his brutal advice through Twitter.

Like the shit out of him on Facebook and he might like you back.

Next Problem....